You may not feel confident that they’re getting the sleep they need. Likewise, you may not be getting the sleep you need to function and feel human. It can be hard to deal with sleep, let alone go against the various baby sleep myths we all hear about as expectant parents.

Below I’m busting some damaging and fear-driven baby sleep out there so that you can set yourself up for the best sleep possible for you and your baby.

BABY SLEEP MYTH #1

A “good” sleeper is a baby who doesn’t wake up overnight to eat.

Have you heard this one? It’s a doozy, and probably the one I hear most often. It’s so tough to go from your pre-baby self – sleeping through the night and waking up refreshed – to having a baby who needs to eat overnight which means that you’re not sleeping a full night anymore. But the reality is: babies wake up hungry overnight. You are not doing anything wrong by feeding your baby overnight. It’s very common for babies to need to eat overnight in the first year of life.

It’s true that some wakings are not necessarily about hunger. For example, some babies wake up really frequently, every 1-2 hours all night every night. Of course, if your little one is a newborn, this may just be par for the course for a few weeks until their day/night confusion has resolved. However, after those first few precious weeks, you might be wondering if they still need to eat that much overnight.

Always double-check with your baby’s physician about how much they need to eat overnight because you and their Doctor have the best information about their health and weight gain status. In general, though, we know that a baby was hungry overnight if they took a full feeding and settled back to sleep easily and quickly. If they were just nibbling or took a small feeding and then had trouble getting back to sleep, they may not necessarily have been hungry.

MYTH #2

Your baby needs to ‘cry it out’ to learn how to fall asleep on their own. 

I bet you’ve heard this one. It’s one of the more damaging baby sleep myths out there. It makes me so sad that parents are left to think that they either must remain a sleep-deprived mess, or they must do something that goes completely against their parenting instincts.

In fact, there are a lot of options in between. There are literally hundreds of ways to help your little one learn to fall asleep on their own.

Now, let’s back up here a little bit and address why we’re even talking about helping a little one learn to sleep on their own. Why would we even consider doing this?

Well, you might be surprised to learn that there’s a scientific reason. The reason is based on a concept called sleep-wake cycles. A sleep-wake cycle is a period of time during which your baby sleeps in various light and deep phases. At a certain age (usually at about 3-4 months old), these cycles start to mimic what adult sleep-wake cycles look like. At the end of each sleep-wake cycle, babies predictably go through a very light sleep phase. If your little one needed something from you to fall asleep at the beginning of the sleep-wake cycle, then they may need you to repeat these same conditions in between cycles to maintain their sleep.

This may look like wakings every 20-40 minutes for naps, and every 45-90 minutes overnight. Some little ones can independently link the frequently deeper cycles of sleep that happen in the earlier part of the night but have difficultly doing the same during the frequently lighter periods of sleep that happen as the night goes on.

Independence

Therefore, the reason we think about creating more independence at the beginning of the sleep-wake cycle (i.e. at bedtime) is to help your little one link all the cycles that follow.

That said, you don’t have to teach independence. It is a choice, just like every other parenting choice you’ll ever have to make. You could also follow your little one’s lead, giving them what they need until they eventually figure it out on their own. Most little ones get there eventually, sometime between 3-6 years old on average. But many families are not willing to wait that long, and any reason that you have for wanting to improve sleep is a valid one.

You can build independence by following your parenting instincts, moving slowly, gradually or quickly (whatever your preference is) toward better sleep stretches for the entire family.

Want to read the last three myths? Did you know I’ve written a bunch of guest blogs for some pretty cool brands – like Hatley? Head over to my blog post on their site and get the dish for better sleep! 

Families who establish healthy, independent sleep habits before they’re feeling desperate to do so find that they get better, more consistent sleep over the long run.

On the other hand, it’ll never be too late to improve sleep. It’s always about finding a time when you’re feeling truly ready.