A few months into motherhood, after we’d finally improved our oldest’s sleep, I realized that one of the biggest things I had learned as a parent was when to ask for help. One of the first major things I learned was about understanding how I needed to deal with baby’s sleep schedule.

Parental Self Care

You hear a lot about “self care” as a parent. Intellectually at least, most of us understand that we need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, before we can help our children. But asking for help, so that you can be a better parent, is a reality that is so much more difficult to manifest. There is guilt involved. Do I deserve the help? Shouldn’t I be able to just slug through the mud without complaining, ‘just like every other parent does’? 

Parental Guilt

The first problem with this guilt is that it ignores the fact that parenting was never really meant to be done in isolation. Trying to take on the full but beautiful burden of raising your children without ever accepting an extended hand ignores your natural instinct as a human being to be connected to a community, a ‘village’ so to speak. The other problem is that it assumes that every other parent has it all together, with no struggles, no help, and no need for community. Of course, that’s simply not true.

In the middle of all of this re-focusing, I realized that I had fostered what had now become a deep and transformative interest in sleep science. I also realized that I wanted to help other parents manifest the changes they want to see in their lives. Sleep is so incredibly important. Chronic sleep deprivation is known to lead to a whole host of unhealthy and unsafe situations. Situations you definitely don’t want to be in while caring for your children. Sleep deprivation can also lead to and worsen things like post-partum depression and anxiety. The gift (and it is certainly a gift) of good rest can make a huge difference in a family’s life. Ensuring that your baby has the rest they need means that you get the rest and time that you need, both as parents and together as a family.

Better Sleep = Improved Clarity, Quality Time and More

When sleep improves, you start to focus on the important things in life. For our family, better sleep meant that symptoms of my chronic illness* improved considerably; it meant that my husband and I had more time to spend together; it meant that we each had time to spend on ourselves, whether that was going out with friends, reading a book, catching up on work, going to yoga, etc.; it meant that our little ones were well rested, less cranky, able to focus on developmental milestones, and as a result, we all had a better time together as a family. All of this meant that we were better parents. Fact. I am absolutely positive of that. Just imagine the possibilities when you stop focusing so much on adhering to baby’s sleep schedule and getting your kids to sleep.

Baby’s Sleep Schedule

So, let’s get back to the title of this post. Sometimes I’ll hear parents say they will “never” follow a sleep schedule for their babies, because that would mean they’d have to become inflexible, unable to attend events or join other parents on play dates. This would make them forever tethered to their houses, and forever a slave to their babies’ schedules. What these parents are missing is one very important fact. As a parent, it is natural to want to do everything you can to make sure your child is happy, healthy and well rested! Good rest for your child is just good sense. If you invest in your family’s rest through improving your baby’s sleep, you will never be a slave to their sleep schedule because you will have the freedom to craft the family life you want and so deserve.

Although most of it is hazy, I do have some fleeting memories of when my husband and I began to go out on dates again after the birth of our oldest daughter. Being out after dark, without baby in tow, felt almost scandalous. It was exciting, walking the streets alone, hand in hand. But what was even better was feeling so reassured and calm about my baby’s sleep, for the first time since her birth. There was no nagging anxiety that I was going to get a call from Grandma to run back home because baby was screaming inconsolably. I could actually enjoy myself, knowing that my baby was snuggled in sleeping soundly and would be giggly and happy when I got her in the morning.

Getting the Help You Need

I was so happy that I’d finally asked for help.

This blog is my commitment to you, fellow parents, to allow you to seek the help you deserve. Follow me along silently if you like, it is up to you. But if I can help only one other struggling parent out there to reach out for support, I’ve done my job. And if that happens, then colour me thrilled.

*Meniere’s Disease, an inner ear disorder that causes severe symptoms of vertigo and hearing loss, among other symptoms.